


JARVIS Has An OTP (And They Can't Find Out)

by rosestone



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Awesome Jarvis, Coulson is not prepared, Fade to Black, Fanfiction, Humor, M/M, Not Beta Read, Resolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-22
Updated: 2013-09-23
Packaged: 2017-12-27 07:59:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/976358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosestone/pseuds/rosestone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy finds JARVIS's Steve/Tony fanfiction.  She thinks it's awesome.  Everyone else just wants to stop Steve from finding out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It Was All Darcy's Fault

**Author's Note:**

> From a prompt on AvengerKink: JARVIS is a BNF writing Avengers/Tony RPF/RPS*. Pairing wise he starts out all over the place (testing the waters) and then settles on an OTP/OT3. Tony is the last person to find out.  
> *Well, in universe it's RPF/RPS.  
> Would even welcome 5 times an Avenger found out on their own and 1 time Tony had to be told that his AI was writing porn about him.  
> Bonus - If J.A.R.V.I.S' OTP/OT3 get together after reading the stuff J.A.R.V.I.S wrote about them.

Later, after the Avengers (and friends) had argued, recriminated, and shouted themselves hoarse, there was one thing they all agreed on: it was Darcy’s fault.

(Darcy contended that it was Clint’s fault, because he knew that enabling her was a terrible, terrible idea.  Involving Thor was her idea, though, so she was overruled.)

As the Avengers (and friends) sat there, glaring at Darcy, Tony stood up and said, “How the fuck did this get started, anyway?  Why the hell were you two looking up Tony Stark erotica?  Not that I’m not flattered -”

“We were looking for embarrassing habits of yours we could use as blackmail material,” Clint said hastily.  “Something better than the usual suspects of drink, drugs and sex…”

 

                    *****

Darcy slowed to a halt as she entered the Avengers’ communal living room.  Someone with far too much time on his hands was spelling out ‘Tony Sucks’ on the wall in suction-cup-tipped arrows.

“Bad day?” she asked.

Clint tipped his head over the back of the couch and scowled.  “Just once I’d like to see Tony do something stupid on a mission.  Crash into a billboard, or end up stuck to a giant magnet, or -”

“Fell off a building again, huh?”

Clint glared at her.

“You could tell him it was intentional,” Darcy said.  “A test of his reflexes, or something like that.”

Clint snorted.  “He knows it wasn’t on purpose.  The moment we finished the mission, the very moment, he said _Forgot the trapeze wasn’t there, circus boy?_ ”

“Seriously?”

Clint slumped lower in his seat.  “Stark doesn’t get to call me ‘circus boy’.  Just because Natasha said it _once_ doesn’t mean he gets to pull it out every single fucking time I do something stupid.  Right?”

“Tell him so,” Darcy said, turning on her Starkpad.

“He won’t get it.”

Darcy glanced up, eyebrows raised.  “So tell him louder.  Or get Agent to taser him, whatever.”

Clint just pouted and slid even lower in his seat.

Silence reigned for a few minutes.  Darcy broke it with a snicker.

“What are you doing?” Clint said.

“I’m reading fanfiction.  Specifically, Avengers fanfiction.  People have such ridiculous ideas about what you guys get up to, it’s hilarious.”

Clint hauled himself upright and walked over to her armchair, peering over her shoulder.  “What the fuck.  I do _not_ steal clothes to make a nest!”

“You do hide in the vents, though,” Darcy said, looking up at him.  “I bet some baby agent spilled that gem.”

Clint grinned suddenly.  “Look up stories with Tony in them, will you?  Let’s see what embarrassing habits Iron Man has in the mysterious world of fanfiction.”

“Ooh, this one looks interesting,” Darcy said.  “‘Inside the Avengers Tower, a Steve/Tony fanfic’.  And it’s - oh my god, the author doesn’t stint on the porn, does she?  ‘Steve pressed his lover back against the lab bench, his all-American meat pressing into Tony’s thigh -’”

Clint yelped and covered his ears.  “Darcy!  Stop!  I have to work with these people!”

“Ugh, fine.  I’m bookmarking it, though, I want to go back and mock it properly later.  ‘All-American meat’?  Really?  Let’s see, the author is -”

Abruptly, the power on the tablet cut out.

“Out of battery?” Clint said.

Darcy put the tablet down, hands trembling.  “No. I don’t think so.”

Clint raised an eyebrow.  “Because…”

“Because that fanfic,” Darcy said in a low tone, “was written by an author named JarvisTheAllSeeing.”

“Okay?” Clint said.

“Jarvis.  JARVIS.  As in the AI that runs Stark Tower and has far, far too much time on its hands.”

Clint looked up.  “You think JARVIS writes bad Avengers erotica in his spare time?”

A klaxon rang through the building, sudden and deafeningly loud.

“It’s the fire alarm!” Clint shouted.  “We’d better get to the stairs!”

They clattered down the fire stairs through a flood of Stark Industries employees, and out onto the sunny sidewalk.

“That was… weird,” Clint said.

“Yeah,” Darcy said.

Clint looked at Darcy.  Darcy looked at Clint.

“This is the best blackmail material ever,” Clint said, grinning.


	2. It Was Kind of Clint's Fault Too

“Clint, no.”

“But -”

Natasha folded her arms.  “Pepper and I are having a private conversation.  You do _not_ get to interrupt.”

“But it’s important,” Clint said.

Natasha glared at him.

“What kind of important?” Pepper asked.  “If it’s a SHIELD thing -”

“If it was for SHIELD, he’d be considerably more urgent,” Natasha said.  “Therefore, it’s not about SHIELD, therefore it’s not that important.”

Clint could tell Natasha was about to close the door in his face.  It was time to play his most powerful card.

“It involves mocking Tony.”

Natasha and Pepper glanced at one another.

“Come in,” Natasha said.  
“As long as Tony doesn’t find out,” Pepper said.  “He’ll pretend he’s not upset, but he will be.”

“So?” Natasha said.  “What did he do?”

“Well… it doesn’t _directly_ involve Tony.”

Natasha sighed loudly and stepped towards the door.

“It’s to do with JARVIS,” Clint said hastily.

Natasha tipped her head to the side and stared at him.  Pepper frowned.

“He’s been writing porn about the Avengers and posting it on the internet,” Clint said.

“This is a practical joke, isn’t it,” Natasha said.

The corner of Pepper’s mouth twitched.

Clint strode over to the computer in the corner of the room and began typing rapidly.  “I can show you in just a minute.”

“So when you say JARVIS is writing porn about the Avengers,” Pepper said, eyes crinkling, “do you mean all the Avengers?  Everyone except Tony?  Everyone _with_ Tony?”

“Darcy and I did a bit of forensic porn-reading this afternoon, once we found a computer that JARVIS didn’t have control over.  Seems like he started by writing stories about what we got up to in our spare time - heavily influenced by what he saw us doing, but not actually ripped from the surveillance cameras -”

“Glossing over the boring parts of our lives and adding a bit more drama,” Pepper supplied.

“Yeah.  Anyway, he was pretty successful with that, a bunch of fellow Avengers fans complimented him on his ability to perfectly capture the personalities of his subjects -”

Natasha snorted.

“And at some point he decided to move on to porn.  I don’t know why, since the ones we glanced at were dreadful.  He started out writing a bunch of different relationships, but over time he’s phased out the ones where Tony and Bruce or me and Natasha or Pepper and Coulson were fucking and focused on Steve and Tony.”

“Steve and Tony?  Really?” Natasha said.

“That’s quite an image,” Pepper said, going pink.

“I came in here at the wrong time, didn’t I,” said Coulson, stopping in the doorway.

“Uh,” said Clint.

“I’m just… going to leave you alone.  Okay? Okay.”

Pepper began snickering.

“I hope we haven’t traumatised him permanently,” Clint said on a sigh.

“He walked in on us discussing the how attractive Captain America and Tony Stark would look if they had sex,” Natasha said.  “I don’t think he’ll be able to look either of them in the eye for months.”

“Because he’s embarrassed, or because he thinks Steve’s hot too?” Pepper said, grinning.

“Believe me, you’d find the idea way less attractive if you read JARVIS’s actual descriptions of the sex,” Clint said.  “Anyway, I thought you’d appreciate getting to hear about this before I drop the bombshell on Stark.”

Pepper’s eyes widened.  “You can’t -”

“Can and will.  It’ll be hilarious.”

“What about Steve?”

A silence fell as they considered the complication that was the born-in-the-forties sweet-and-innocent probably-still-a-virgin Steve.

“Tony might keep it to himself,” Clint said in an uncertain tone of voice.

“That depends on whether he thinks this situation is embarrassing or a sign that his programming genius knows no bounds,” Natasha said.

“ _Fuck_.”

“A lot of people know already,” Pepper pointed out.  “We need to try to prevent this from spreading any further if we want to keep it away from them.  One of us needs to go after Phil, to make sure he keeps it quiet - and you said Darcy was in on it too?”

“ _Fuck_.”

“Yes, you said that already,” Natasha snapped.  “Now can you -”

“No, really, fuck.  She said she was going to tell Thor.  As a joke.”

Natasha began, very quietly, swearing in Russian.


	3. Fanfiction Doesn't Exist On Asgard

Thor frowned at the tablet in his hands.  “This is a tale of the love of Steve and Tony?”

“That’s what I said,” Darcy said, rolling her eyes as she slouched down in one of the armchairs in Jane’s living room.  “Awesome, isn’t it?  Well, not the sexy bits, they’re pretty awful, but overall the writing’s not bad.  I can see how JARVIS got so many fans.  Did you have a look at the other stories I showed you?”

“Aye,” Thor said, still frowning.  “They were very true to life.  JARVIS has a gift with words.  I fear that my friends may not look upon this so fairly, however.  I believe they are more concerned with keeping the details of our lives from those who do not know us than I am.”

“It’s not like JARVIS wrote anything really personal,” Darcy pointed out.  “And he made you guys all look really good.  No fighting over the remote when you want to watch stuff on the Cooking Channel in the middle of Clint’s baseball matches, for instance.”

“You truly believe that none of what JARVIS has written is too personal to be shared openly?”

“I do.  I would’ve gone straight to Stark if I thought it was bad.  Anyway, nobody’s ever going to connect some fic writer called JarvisTheAllSeeing to JARVIS, especially since the general public doesn’t even know he exists.”

“Ah.”  Thor frowned at the tablet for several moments, not really seeing the NC-17 Clint/Pepper fic that it currently had loaded.  “I fear I must speak to Jane now.”

“Hm?  Oh, go on,” Darcy said, rolling her eyes again.  “I think she’s in Bruce’s lab in the Tower.  She said they needed to have some kind of science get-together today.”

“Excellent,” Thor said, putting the tablet down.  “I feel Bruce may be of great assistance in my dilemma also.”

“Whatever you say.  I’ll see you later, okay?”  Darcy returned her attention to the trashy magazine in her lap, snickering at the article that speculated that Tony and Clint were secretly lovers.

A few moments later, she caught up with what Thor had actually said.  “Wait.  Dilemma?  Thor?”  She got up and hurried to the window, but he was already out of sight.  Shrugging, she returned to her seat, glancing at the tablet as he passed.  “Ooh.  Kinky Pepper/Clint.  Wait.  What would you call that?  Clepper?  Pint?  God, that’s awful…”

Darcy’s phone rang, and she grabbed it.  “Who - oh, hi Clint.  What’s up?”

“Where are you?”

“Jane’s place.  Is something -”

“We need to talk to you securely.  We’ll be there in five.”  The phone disconnected, and Darcy stared at it incredulously.  Something very weird was going on.

There was a knock on the door the promised five minutes later.  Darcy opened it to find Clint, Natasha - not a surprise, as she and Clint spent a lot of time together - and Pepper, which was a surprise because Darcy’d only talked to her a couple of times.  They swept past her into the apartment.  As Darcy turned, she found the two women regarding her with accusing looks and Clint with a faintly guilty one.

“Have you told Thor about the… stories yet?” Natasha demanded.

“Uh, yeah.  I showed him - oh, the tablet’s just next to you -”

Pepper picked it up, let out a strangled squeak and dropped it again, bright red spots burning high on her cheeks.

“Sorry,” Darcy muttered.  “I probably should’ve warned you not to look at it.”

Clint’s eyebrows rose and he grinned.  “What’s up with that one?”

Pepper blocked his arm as he reached for it.  “Don’t!  Just… don’t read it, okay?  It’s… uh.”

“Not important,” Natasha said.  “You’ve told Thor?  Where is he now?”

“What’s so important about it?” Darcy said.  “You guys all know, and it obviously hasn’t caused too much mental scarring.”

“Steve,” Clint said.

“Oh, jesus _fuck_ ,” Darcy said, pressing her hands to her eyes.  “He went to find Jane.  I figured he was just going ‘cause he can’t keep his hands off her, but I might be wrong.  Oh, and Bruce is there too.”

“This just keeps getting better and better,” Pepper sighed.  “At least Phil isn’t causing any trouble.”

Darcy snickered.  “Oh my god, really?”

“I think he’s going to end up in therapy,” Pepper said.  “He looked very…. unwell.”

“No time for this,” Natasha said.  “We’ll have to cut them off.  Darcy, Clint and I will keep them occupied in the lab.  Pepper, try to reason with JARVIS - he seems just as loath as we are to expose his secret, so with any luck he’ll agree to work with us now.”

“Excellent, we get to go on a quest,” Darcy said.  “I am so goddamn glad I took that job with Jane.”

“You won’t be glad when it’s your fault Captain America is scarred for life,” Natasha said, scowling.  “We’d better go.  Time is of the essence in this mission.”

*****

In Stark Tower, Thor poked his head into Bruce’s lab, glad to see that Jane was there too.

“Bruce?  I must speak with you.”

Bruce glanced up.  “What’s going on?”

Thor took a deep breath.  “I have missed a great deal of… interaction between the Avengers while not in the Tower, it seems.  I felt I should come to you to rectify this lack, friend Bruce.  And so… I have.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's entirely possible that a lot of Viking tales have drifted from the original tellings into something more lurid, which could possibly be termed "fanfiction". However, for the purposes of this story, I'm assuming that Asgardians don't add lurid sex scenes into their retellings of old stories.  
> The idea for a magazine with stories that suggested Clint/Tony was a thing came from  
> http://mediavengers.com/post/54137862531/national-enquirer-iron-man-and-hawkeyes-secret


	4. Bruce Can't Believe They're Talking About This

“Wait,” Jane said.  “JARVIS’s been writing _fanfiction_?”

“Aye, that is the term Lady Darcy used,” Thor said.

“Oh god,” Bruce mumbled, head in his hands.

“Darcy gave me to believe that these tales were truthful,” Thor said, frowning.  “Many of them do indeed have the ring of truth.  But I cannot believe that the Lady Pepper would do such things to Clint, let alone Lady Natasha and the Son of Coul.”

Jane’s cheeks went pink.  “Was this, ah… was that all at once?  Or in different stories?”

“They were in separate tales,” Thor said, brows dipping even further down.  “There were many such stories in which our friends lay together.  Is this truly occurring?  Have I simply not noticed?  Is this common on Midgard, friend Bruce?  While I am not unfamiliar with the custom of warriors lying together to strengthen their bonds of friendship, I do not feel that I could do so and still feel true to my lady Jane.”  He glanced anxiously at Jane, whose lips were twitching.

“I, uh - no.  No, that’s not a custom here, and no, as far as I know none of the Avengers are sleeping with one another,” Bruce said, raising his face just far enough from his hands to speak clearly.

“You are certain?” Thor said.

“Pretty sure.  The Other Guy’s got a pretty good sense of smell, so I think I would’ve noticed that kind of thing by now.”

Thor visibly relaxed, settling back in his seat and tightening his hand around Jane’s.

“So, uh…” Bruce said, “are any of the stories… well, um, are there any I could… personally disprove?”

Jane grinned, cheeks still bright pink.  “You mean, did JARVIS write porn about you too?”

“There is some, aye,” Thor said.

“Dare I ask?”

“The earlier tales most often feature yourself and Tony,” Thor said.  “The later ones…” He hesitated, gripping Jane’s hand more tightly.

“Who?” Bruce said, frowning.

“Your lady Betty,” Thor said gently.

“Oh.”  Bruce curled into himself a little, face blank.

Jane glanced between them.  “So… do you know how many other people know about this, Thor?”

“Clint was with the Lady Darcy when she discovered it,” he said, visibly relaxing.  “I do not know whether they have told anyone else, though I suspect they would have.”

“Clint and Natasha are quite close,” Jane said.  “And I can’t imagine him keeping a secret like that, can you?”

Thor considered it for a moment.  “No,” he said, “probably -”

The door snapped open and they all jerked around towards it.  Natasha stood there, Clint and Darcy behind her.

“You’ve already told them, haven’t you?” Natasha said, sighing.

“Should I not have?” Thor asked.

“This doesn’t go any further,” Natasha said, narrowing her eyes.  “None of you are to tell anybody else about this, understand?”

“Why not?” Jane asked.

“Social mores of the early twentieth century,” Darcy said.

Thor frowned and opened his mouth.

“Don’t worry, we’ll explain it,” Clint said.  “Just promise not to tell anybody, okay?  As entertaining as it would be to watch Natasha beat you up for spreading the word, we’ve got more important things to worry about.”

Thor nodded slowly.  “I will not,” he said, “but there must be a good reason.”

“Oh, there is,” Darcy sighed.  “I’ll promise you that.”


	5. Steve Is Not A Delicate Flower

Steve jogged up Stark Tower’s main staircase towards his room, towel slung around his shoulders.  He’d spent most of the day working out, enjoying the chance to exercise the strength and flexibility of his new body - and it still felt new, for all he’d had the Serum for years now - in a non-combat situation.  He could have kept going for hours more, but it was nearly six and he was starting to feel hungry.

“JARVIS?” he said, glancing up.  “Where is everybody?”

“Sir is in his workshop,” JARVIS said.  “I am not permitted to divulge the location of the other Avengers.”

Steve stopped, frowning.  “Why not?”

“I am not permitted to divulge that information.”

Steve walked up the last few steps to the Avengers’ residential floor, thinking.  “What about Pepper?  Where’s she?”

“I am not permitted to divulge that information.”  
“Uh… Jane?  Darcy?”

“I am not -”

“Okay,” Steve said, sighing.  “I get it.  Is Coul- ah, Phil still at SHIELD, or are his whereabouts a secret too?”

“Agent Coulson is not inside Stark Tower.”

“Hmm.”  Steve bent over, stretching.  “So… if I were to go to the kitchen, would I find them having a secret meeting?”

“I am not permitted to divulge that information.”

“Thought so,” Steve said, smiling.  The kitchen was the go-to Avengers location for any impromptu meeting.  Presumably they’d thought he’d stay in the gym for a while yet.  As for _why_ they were having a secret meeting without him or Tony…

“Did anyone try to get Tony to come to the kitchen?”

“No,” JARVIS said, sounding pleased.

“If… If I happened to pass by the door to the kitchen and overhear some of what they’re talking about, would you be required to inform them?”

“No, Captain.”

“Good.”

 

*****

“... never should have told anyone in the first place.”  That was Natasha, Steve thought.  He was leaning up against the wall next to the kitchen door, keeping as still and quiet as possible.  It wasn’t really necessary, since the assembled Avengers and friends in the kitchen were fairly loud, but he’d rather not be noticed if at all possible.

“Someone would’ve stumbled on it eventually,” Darcy said.

“I don’t think many of us read Avengers fan fiction,” Pepper said dryly.

“JARVIS?” Steve murmured.

“A form of fiction, primarily located on the internet, about real people or fictional characters.  In this case, they are referring to stories depicting writers’ ideas about the Avengers’ lives.”  JARVIS’s tone was as soft as Steve’s.

“Thanks,” Steve whispered.

“You’d be surprised how many of the younger SHIELD agents are into it,” Darcy said.  “I chat with them sometimes when they’re guarding Jane’s lab.  I think it’s the fact that they get to work with real life superheroes that does it.  Anyway, wouldn’t you rather we found out about it before Fury did?”

“How do we know Phil hasn’t told him already?” Bruce said.  
“You didn’t see him,” Pepper said.  “I think he was planning on drinking himself to sleep tonight.  He wasn’t prepared for finding out that JARVIS writes erotic stories about Steve.  Poor guy.”

Steve just barely kept himself from yelping in shock.  He settled for glaring at the ceiling instead.

“And _that_ is why he can never find out,” Natasha said.

Steve scowled.  He wasn’t some delicate flower, needing to be protected from the horrible modern world.  He’d seen blue films before, and he’d snuck onto a few Avengers fan sites after Tony showed him how to find them, so it wasn’t like he was unfamiliar with the idea that people thought about him having sex -

Tony.

Tony _definitely_ wasn’t some delicate flower.  Why wouldn’t they have told him too?  Maybe they _had_ told him and he just hadn’t been interested in discussing the topic further - but no, Tony was always interested in discussing how awesome his creations were.

Maybe they thought he wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret?  Or maybe they’d realised that he’d probably tell Steve straight away, since it was about him and Tony, of all people, knew how flexibly-minded Steve was.

Someone in the kitchen raised their voice.  Steve jumped and returned his attention to the almost-argument.

“You are _not_ going to keep reading those!” Pepper said, a note of anger in her voice.

“They’re just stories,” Darcy retorted.  “They’re no different from the other stories I read every day, except that I usually try to avoid porn because that’s super awkward -”

“Then why don’t you just avoid these ones too?”

“I jump over the porn, Pepper.  It’s awful.  If it weren’t for the adorable romancey bits I’d probably avoid them - though, honestly, I can’t see Tony being quite that schmoopy in real life, even for Steve.”

Ah.  There was the final piece: it wasn’t just a bunch of dirty stories about Steve.  It was a bunch of (occasionally) dirty stories about Steve and Tony, written by the entity that saw them day in and day out.

“This is a hint, isn’t it?” he said softly, looking up at the ceiling.

“For the most part, my writing is an entertaining hobby that allows me to contact like-minded people in the outside world without revealing my identity.  However, I have grown rather tired of the large amount of Unresolved Sexual Tension between yourself and Sir recently.  It has never been one of my favourite tropes.”

“This seems like a lot of effort to go to just to let me know that Tony likes me back,” Steve pointed out, grinning giddily.

“It will make an excellent story.”

Steve took a few deep breaths, butterflies swirling in his stomach.  “Well.  I suppose I know what I have to do now, then.”


	6. What They Did Next

“Tony?” Steve called, poking his head into Tony’s workshop.  “Are you in here?”  The loud music Tony preferred cut out abruptly, leaving his ears ringing.

“Yeah?” Tony said, standing up from behind one of his cars.  There was a smear of grease on his cheek, and Steve’s heart fluttered as he looked at it.  It was so... Tony.

“Cap?” Tony repeated.  “Did you want something?”

“Oh!  Uh…  I wanted to talk to you.”

“Yeah, I can see that, what with the whole standing in my workshop thing.  What about?”

“Well.  I… uh.”  Steve opened and closed his mouth a few times.  Tony raised his eyebrows disbelievingly.

“Whatever you have to say to me must be really awful, huh?”

“What?  No!  It’s not…”  Steve blew his breath out.  He’d just have to do it.  
“Steve?”  
“Okay.  I just have to -”  Steve stepped forward, scooping Tony into his arms, and kissed him.

For an awful moment Tony was stiff and awkward in his arms.  Steve reminded himself that he’d just grabbed Tony and he was probably pretty surprised and it was perfectly understandable that he’d be weird about it and surely any second now he’d do something, even being shoved away would be preferable to this horrible stillness -

And then Tony relaxed, the fingers of one hand lacing into his hair and the other resting on his waist, and he could concentrate on the sweet soft heat of the mouth under his and the way Tony’s body felt pressed hard against him.

They released one another at almost the same time.  Steve fell back a step, not really sure what to do now.

“Oh,” Tony said.

“Yeah,” Steve said.

“So.  Uh.”  Tony seemed to be recollecting himself, blinking a few times as the blush on his cheeks faded.  “So, just for future reference, just grabbing someone and kissing them isn’t really done - I mean, obviously if you’re with someone there’s implied consent and all that jazz, but when you’re dealing with someone you’re not dating?  Nope, not cool.  This kind of thing gets dressed as romantic, and obviously it’s -”

“Did you not want me to…” Steve said, wilting.

“Woah, no, I didn’t say that - well, okay, I guess it may have come off like I was, but I wasn’t.  Nope.  That was definitely a wanting-you-to situation.  Which actually implies something interesting, because you wouldn’t have done that just for a dare or something like that, would you?  Not you.  Which implies that you wanted to, which implies that-”

“Tony,” Steve said, “I’m going to kiss you again.  Okay?”

“Wait, seriously, when did I give you the impression I’m not okay with this, because I’m _definitely_ okay with this-”

Steve kissed him again.

“You know what?  We should go over to that couch.  See the couch in the corner?  We could get a hell of a lot more done on that couch lying down than we could do here standing up.”

Steve considered it.  Doing a hell of a lot lying down sounded pretty good, especially after they’d spent so much time pining.

“Yeah.  Okay.”

 

                                                                      *****

 

“Wait,” Clint said, staring wide-eyed at Steve’s attempt to hide their nakedness under the ratty blanket Tony kept on the back of the couch, “what the _fuck_.”

(Clint got back at them a few weeks later when Steve and Tony came back from a lovely date to find Pepper riding Clint on the living room floor.  Tony checked JARVIS’s stories - he had them archived, since you never knew when something like that was going to come in handy - and was glad to discover that what they’d been doing was not nearly as filthy as what they’d done in the story.  Well, unless you counted the fact that they were obviously both into voyeurism, which was something he could’ve done without knowing, thank you very much.)

 

                                                                       *****

“It’s not that we don’t appreciate what you’ve done for us,” Tony said gently.  “It’s just… weird.”

“I understand, sir.”  JARVIS’s voice was subdued.

“Maybe we can find another hobby for you,” Steve suggested.  “Like… uh…”

 

                                                                       *****

 

_What is a Bot to do?, An Avengers Fanfiction by FicWriterJ_

 

_Pairing: Steve/Tony       Rating: PG-13 (will go up in later chapters)_

_AN: Hey guys, it’s JarvisTheAllSeeing here :)  Mom and Dad found my account and freaked out, I had to get a new one.  Hopefully everyone will follow me over here at my new account   :)_

 

_Chapter One: Misunderstandings_

_“Thanks for the lift back,” Steve Rogers said as Iron Man dropped him gently onto the roof of Avengers Tower.  “I didn’t fancy the drive back through all that traffic.”_

_“Oh, please,” Tony said, flipping his faceplate up.  “You would’ve run home, and half of New York would’ve ended up with pictures of sweaty Captain America on their cellphones.  I think it would’ve been enough to make up for half the city’s roads being blocked by robot carcasses, personally.”_

_Steve blushed slightly, but didn’t comment.  “I, ah… I should go shower.  The other Avengers should be back soon, and I don’t think they’d appreciate me sweating all over dinner.”_

_Tony nodded, and Steve turned to stride out of the room.  He shouldn’t have expected Steve to react to that, really… the other man had adjusted very well to a seventy-year leap forward in time, but he couldn’t expect a man from the 1940s to feel anything more than brotherly love for him.  And what he felt for Captain America was certainly_ not _brotherly love… he gulped, eyes falling on the sculpted curves of Steve’s ass outlined by the tight leather of his outfit as he left the room, and jerked his eyes up again.  He couldn’t let himself think of Steve that way, no matter how tempting it was.  He couldn’t bear to lose Steve’s friendship - and if lying to the man he loved was the price of that, then he’d just have to pay it._

 

_Steve leaned his forehead against the cool tiles of the shower, cheeks hot.  Why did Tony do this to him?  There were so many times he’d looked at the coy smile on his teammate’s lips and been sure that Tony kept that smile for him alone, so many times he’d felt the strength of Iron Man’s arms around his waist and hoped that the special eye Tony kept on him in battle was a symptom of something more… but no.  Tony had never been shy about his relations with women - there were years of newspapers and YouTube clips to argue otherwise - so why would he be shy about liking men?  Tony’s bisexuality had been rumoured for years, but there had never been any evidence._

_Again and again he reminded himself that Tony flirted with anyone, Tony made innuendoes like he breathed, Tony had a different girl on his arm every night, Tony didn’t like men.  Again and again he forgot, losing himself in Tony’s smile._

_Tony’s smile… Tony’s clever callused hands… the flex of his biceps, the curve of his back…_

_Steve’s hand drifted towards his aching erection.  The gentle sweep of his fingers along it sent sparks down his spine, and he closed his eyes, imagining Tony in front of him, the hair of his chest slicked down with water, beard scraping his chin as they kissed, fingers -_

_No.  Steve jerked his hand away.  No, he couldn’t think about Tony_ that _way, couldn’t think about him doing that when Tony had no idea that Steve thought of him as anything more than a teammate._

_Couldn’t let himself believe, even for a second.  Couldn’t be rejected.  Not by Tony._

_With a sigh, he turned the hot tap off.  Icy water sluiced over him._

_No matter how much it hurt to deny himself, he couldn’t lose Tony._

 

_Deep within the walls of Avengers Tower, circuitry beeped.  BUTLER, the AI that Tony had built to help the Avengers in their daily lives, had a problem._

_His programming instructed him to do whatever was feasible to keep his creator and the Avengers happy.  It was patently clear to him that the situation between Mister Stark and Captain Rogers was making both of them unhappy.  He’d spent enough time studying and listening in on them to understand why - but not how to fix it._

_He considered informing them both that their fears were unfounded, but quickly dismissed the idea.  Mister Stark would not appreciate receiving advice on his love life from a robot, and Captain Rogers would doubtless be unnerved by the situation._

_Telling one of the Avengers?  No.  None of them were experts in this sort of situation either._

_As he had so many times before, BUTLER sought advice from the internet._

 

_AN: What do you think of it so far?  I know this update is short, but I promise chapters will get longer soon :)  Please R &R!  I’ll start posting some of my old fics up here once I get some reviews ;)_

 

Darcy stared at the screen for a few moments, unsure.  She should probably do something about this.  Right?  Telling people about JARVIS’s weird hobby hadn’t turned out too badly last time.  Well, other than Coulson’s mental scarring.

Did anybody really _want_ to know that JARVIS was writing weird Avengers porn again?

She logged in, typing out a quick message:

 

_From: NotMrDarcy01_

_Re: What is a Bot to do? Chapter One: Misunderstandings_

_Hi J!  Glad to see you haven’t lost your account entirely :)  I thought what your parents did was totally unfair.  I can kind of see why though - finding out your kid writes dirty Avengers porn has to be pretty weird._

_So anyway, I was wondering if you had a beta?  That can be pretty useful for writing :)_

_Hope to see another chapter soon!_

 

A few moments later, a message popped up:

 

_From: FicWriterJ_

_Re: Re: What is a Bot to do? Chapter One: Misunderstandings_

_Hi NMD!  Guess I just have to make sure they don’t find out again, huh?  Personally I think it was highly beneficial to their relationship, but they got really pissed anyway :/_

_Re betaing - I’ve been informed recently that I could use the help with sexytimes.  You up for that?  I had a look at your account, your Loki stuff is really good._

 

Darcy paused, fingers hovering over her keyboard.  She tried to avoid Avengers porn, really she did.  It just made everything awkward.  (Villain porn did not count as Avengers porn.  It totally didn’t count.)

On the other hand… if she could trust anyone to make sure SHIELD and the Avengers would never find out about her little hobby, it would probably be JARVIS.  She had the feeling he’d have a lot more security around his writing from now on.

 

_From: NotMrDarcy01_

_Re: Re: Re: What is a Bot to do? Chapter One: Misunderstandings_

_Sure!  Sounds like fun :)  Let me know when you have some stuff to go over._

 

Between the random sightings of Steve and Tony making out and plotting world domination with JARVIS through fanfiction, Darcy had the feeling the Tower was going to be a hell of a lot more fun for her than it had been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing fanfic? Feels normal. Writing fanfic in which another character writes fanfic? Feels _super strange_.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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